Madness On the Road In Jersey...
I was over the Delaware Memorial Bridge and 15 minutes into Jersey on Rt. 40 when I got a call from Owen Wilson. He and his mother sang happy birthday to me. I thought it was amazing that he was so verbal on demand at less than one year old. It was later in the conversation with his father that it was revealed that his wailed song was prerecorded. This would actually be my second prerecorded birthday greeting of the day. Sponge Bob called me at the beginning of the day and wished me a very special celebration. A little deduction lead me to understand that Donovan was the culprit on that one. Owen and his parents wished me well and shared their love. They've been with me for half my life and and I felt empowered by their blessing.
It was after a few minutes of driving in silence following flipping my phone shut that I began to suspect my friends were double agents. Could their well wishes have been a set up, a ruse, to find out my progress on the road? Was a pre-recorded greeting from Owen Wilson some kinda clue? The conspiracy stuck with me for many miles across the gardens of my home-state. These people were seriously planning something on a sinister level if they'd utilize a prerecorded message from a cute little baby to remind me that I am now old. I fast forwarded to another baby I might soon be encountering -- Little Lauren who I was speeding my way towards. Was my final destination at her house to receive some cryptic clue from her little hand?
I started to cry a little at the idea of getting a set of traveling papers from one of the cutest girls in the world. Circle of life type stuff -- the newest name in the family line pays homage to the one celebrating their oldening. It could be profound if I dwelled on it long enough. I marveled at Janell's thoughtfulness and attention to the symbolism of it all. I popped out of that daydream in time to catch the exit to take to my bro's hometown. The directions were spotty and so I followed my instincts, which turned out to be crummy. I went the opposite way on the road for about 15 minutes before I wised up. I was already behind, and this just pushed everything back. I doubled back over the giant strip mall that is Delsea Drive in Vineland, NJ and kept going.
I was beginning to panic. I looked down at my phone to possibly call my brother and I noticed that I missed a call from my mom. She left the kind of message that moms leave for sons on such a day -- "hey, you were a joy, I'd have you all over again, no regrets" that sorta thing. I didn't return her call, out of paranoia. I couldn't be tying up the line in case some other kid with a famous name decided to call. I was growing more weary and panicked as I continued to drive into the void, believing that I'd somehow missed a turn on a numbered road that was recently renumbered. I'd been driving since 5:15 with just a little break. It was almost 8 and I was tired and nervous and contemplating my mortality on the road slightly exceeding the speed limit in the NJ night. I realized why I had moved away so many years ago. This is what happens here, this what they call entertainment. Eventually you just say "eff it, I'm staying" and that's that.
I pulled over and into the parking lot of one of the many tire/auto shops that line this stretch of road. I gave my brother a call and attempted to give him a description of my surroundings. I was ready to be there, wherever there was. He affirmed that I was on their right track and told me that I was 10 minutes out.
While I was on the phone with Brent my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. He said that it was no bother because I was probably out partying and that we could catch up when we'd catch up. I took that to mean when I would call him the next day and wish him a happy birthday. Brent's estimate of 10 minutes was based on his avg. driving speed. I was always the more cautious one so I got there 20 minutes later, that includes a wrong turn.
By this time my mind had started spinning a little conspiracy theory that Janell had convinced all of my friends and family that I needed to die and that they should gather in the Jersey Pine Barrens and have a wake for me before the killing was to be done. I marveled at her rhetorical witchcraft. She was some kind of dark force to cook up a twisted plot like that. What was I doing, I thought, I'm on my way to my brother's house so I can visit his family and then be off to my death? And Andrew, how could she have conned him into this whole plot?
The road madness had just reached a fever pitch when I pulled into his driveway. His house was dark and I hesitated, thinking that maybe I had the wrong victorian in his little village of victorians. The fluorescent overhead kitchen light lit up the place and it was just as soon cut off. I took that to mean that I was at the right place. My Element's interior lights took over my field of view once I opened my door and cut off with the slamming of the door. It was like we were playing a dueling banjos game with light switches. My eyes were adjusting as I found his path and made my way to his back door where the kitchen light had just gone off. I was halfway to the door when the face of a lone figure standing on Brent's backporch was illuminated as they lit their cigarette and started walking toward me.
