holaolah

A Long Overdue Shout Out

I miss working on the farm with my new/old buddies Elam "Eazy-E" Zook and his trusty sidekick Blue. You can thank them for my "when animals attack" profile photo. He's a unique soul that Elam: an Amish Unitarian Grandpa whose gears are always turning to find ways to work smarter (as opposed to harder). And he's a blogger to boot. Blue, well, he's a black dog with one blue eye. He's a hell of a field mouse hunter as well.

We only worked together for a season, but I think I made some friends for life. Awww!

Big American Man - by David George

He left America in a rocket

On a mission to be triumphant

But when he landed he was stranded

On a planet ruled by our cousins

Who would not be convinced of his intelligence

They were blinded by their Monkey Religion

(And tradition, and superstition)

I guess in some ways it was a lot like home

 

His world was long-time gone

He was all alone

But before he was done

He rode off with a gun and a woman

 

American Man, Big American Man

He was a Big American Man

 

He was a righteous man, righteously sexy

He constructed cities, impressed kings and ladies

But he made enemies when he learned his identity

“Let my people go,” he said.

Yeah he led his people out of slavery

He took them to a mountain. He climbed up it

He came back down with the Pillars of Religion

(The Ten Commandments on granite tablets)

But what he saw was breaking the law

He crossed the wilderness

And made women jealous

Well after all that sand

Was the Promised Land

 

American Man, Big American Man

He was a Big American Man

 

Now he’s back in America leading the movement

If you shoot rockets then he’s your agent

Because they want to take your guns, the pinko city-slicking vegetarians

He’s the defender of the Rifle Religion

(He’s on a mission for the militias)

Don’t worry boys you can keep all your toys

 

Your firearms

Your movie stars

He was a movie star

What a movie star!

 

American Man, Big American Man

He was a Big American Man

Big American Man.mp3

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I've had this in draft for almost a year. It's time that I finally shared it with you. Be sure to download the MP3  -- that's where you'll find all the fun. Please do what you can to make this an underground sensation.

Maidens of Virtue or Hussies on Parade?

This site and story is wrong for so many reasons. I check in on it every once in a while like one does with the Jerry Springer Show. I found it one day while looking up some info on "the emerging church" and Donald Miller.

Link: Slice of Laodicea.

These young women call themselves ZoeGirl and they perform at Christian women's events and youth gatherings with something they call "evangelistic entertainment". Don't miss the last sentence of this article. If it looks like the world and sounds like the world, wouldn't it be the world? Sadly, there is no discernment today between flesh and spirit, carnality and holiness. That's why our girls from Christian homes are often indistinguishable from those of the world. Instead of maidens of virtue, we are producing hussies of Babylon.

I am going to start a band called "The Hussies Of Babylon." Something tells me that I can make a goldmine selling tee shirts emblazoned w/this name. No one will care whether or not the band sucks, the tee shirts will surely rock.

And for the record, I don't think Donald Miller is a false-prophet. I mean, if you check out his bio-pic on his site, he's pictured with a prominently displayed beer. If you believe in Jesus and beer, your prophet cred is assured in my book/blog.

Were You There?

I was headed back from my Good Friday spent with Kyle in Jersey (more on that later) and this song came up on the iPod's shuffle. God is in control of everything, even the algorithms that power your favorite electronic devices.
Were You There (When They Crucified My Lord) - Johnny Cash & The Carter Family.m4a

Bad Energy From The E-Stuff

Today I talked to a lady who does not like things like e-mail and the Internet because of all of the energy you can feel while you use use them. "There's just so many people on there, it's weird. I don't like it, it's scary. It gives me the creeps cause it's just different, you know?" Umm, no not really.

Literary Fun With Fred and His Hateful Hicks

The other day while researching Fred Phelps and his Westbrook Baptist Church, I came across some  strikingly fresh writing. They have these reports called epics that detail their hate missions. It's informed stuff. Influenced by the great traditions and quite imaginative in its delivery. I'd like to share a few examples with you today.

Our first example is totally death metal. It would work perfectly as an incantation for that scene in Spinal Tap, you know, right before the little Stonehenge descends to the stage:

The Saints Shower the Necromancers with Bible Truths That Will Condemn Them When They Stand Before the White Throne

Wow, right?

This one channels the spirit of the great Gonzo in the sky, the good doctor Hunter S. Thompson.  It almost makes me believe he came back from his death trip and now he's haunting the kind writers at Westbrook:

Epic of the Querulous Whore and the Dakota Taliban

Ummm, this one is just wild. I can't set it up with anything besides "get ready for the crazy..."

WBC’s early rising trip to picket the ABOMINABLE necromancy of dung hill gods of Brokeback Mountain in the form of Barnum & Bailey’s Circus Show in Hutchinson, KS. They were not satisfied with raising Peter Wagler for the devil, sending him off to be blown to bits by a raging God, and sending his soul to hell forever, thereby condemning themselves, but would rather incur God’s wrath against themselves seven times seven times seven times seven ad infinitum! (See Lev. 26)

Totally awesome and compelling headline on this epic. How could you not read something with such a creative hook? As an earth-dweller of today, I know that whenever someone says here's a powerful learning moment for you, I pay attention:

The Epic Adventure of Westboro Baptist Church while she was preparing to deliver the Word of God to West Virginia from January 2 to January 15, 2006. This Epic writing was required because of the unique nature of the situation and the facts as they unfolded and it is a powerful learning moment for the earth dwellers of today.

While poking around the site this evening I found an informative game. The  person who said that homophobia, hate and child molestation couldn't be educational and fun was a liar. They've obviously never played this game.

Here's my final observation on the whole Westbrook klan... for anti gay fake church, they sure have a hell of a lot of links to gay media and organizations. Kinda makes you scratch your head and say hmmmm....

Voodoo head found in air luggage

Link: BBC NEWS | World | Americas | Voodoo head found in air luggage.

Recent Tears

If you're a man like me you can count your most recent experiences with tears on one hand. You can judge that based on whatever you wanna judge me on. I'm thinking now back to September when I borrowed Wattstaxx from the Newark library. The film contained a clip of the good doctor MLK giving his (I'm pretty certain of this) "I've been to the Mountaintop Speech."

I sat down to watch the classic soul and funk and afrotastic goodness, the volume was up high, joined by a big bowl of popcorn and a cold beer.  Between clips of Richard Pryor and brothers trying to work it out explaining the struggle, the man, women, there was Martin, saying...

"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people will get to the promised land. And I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."

And then I just started crying. For hopes and battles lost, for being so close and then getting cut down. For kids left without a dad, for a movement punched in the gut and shattered. For getting a sermon and being touched by God when I least expected it. I owe a lot to the good doctor. I credit hearing about him in grade school for helping me sort out fact from fiction and learning how to love people. Thanks again.

Here's  a link to his "I have a Dream" speech if you're interested in listening: Download i_have_a_dream.mp3 (right click, save as...).

Coming Soon...

to a Mega Church near you: Justice Sunday III. Are you ready to rock?

No Pat, NOOOOO!

If God is the kind of God that Pat says he is, then every time Pat says something like THIS it only makes his inevitable death that much more of a sensational headline grabbing event. It's past my rant hour. You should have been here at dinner when I told Janell about Pat's latest crime against God. I love her when she's angry.